Sitting on a beach in Thailand I decided that my New Years resolution for 2016 would be to fall in love with the not knowing and to not over plan and at 7 months into the year I can confirm i’m not doing a very good job of it!
For the last 6 and a half years (at least) leaving has always been on my mind. I try hard to focus on the present and I make a conscious effort to do so but I’m forever looking into the future, planning out my life, dreaming of where i can go next, looking forward to packing my bags, getting on a flight and going to find something new and exciting. Lets face it, for us lot with the travel bug, leaving becomes as big of an addiction as the travelling itself!
Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets about my 6 years of on/off travelling and since then I’ve answered the question ‘when are you going to stop and settle down?’ with the reply ‘I don’t know and why do i need to settle?’.
I still stand by this response but this year since moving to London and despite constantly changing my mind on whether I love or don’t love the big, fast paced City that is London, i’m starting to think that maybe its time (for now) to not worry about leaving.
I want to be able to get a good, permanent job where I can learn, work my way up higher and start a ‘career’ for myself, instead of being in temporary roles which don’t have as much security and are not as well paid, I want to buy some nice clothes and not have to worry about how small they’ll roll up when they’re packed in a backpack, I want to be able to commit to things 6 months in advance because I know I’ll still be in the Country, whether it be festivals, holidays or Christmas dinner because these are things i haven’t been able to do since 2011!
Of course I will actually leave London, this travel addict can’t go a few weeks without wanting to get on a flight and one of the best things about London is it’s location to Europe! However I feel I’m at a point where I don’t want to be stopping my life constantly and having to start it all over again because although i agree that it is worth it and totally do-able, quite frankly its exhausting and I’ve done it enough times to know; finding a job, a place to live, making friends and the whole time worrying about money.
I applied for my New Zealand working holiday visa last August, I was planning my 4 month trip to Asia and wanted to go to New Zealand straight afterwards and it made sense to get the visa whist I was at home so I didn’t need to worry about getting it in Asia.
I didn’t end up going to New Zealand in February after my 4 month trip and instead I decided to give London a go, I’d never lived in London before, I had a lot of friends here and it’s one of the best cities in the world so i thought why not!
My New Years Resolution also stemmed from knowing that I would be moving home with no intention of leaving that year, however as August and the end of my visa is creeping up I’ve had to make the decision whether to go to New Zealand or not.. and despite going back and fourth on my decision, the closer August got the more I realised that actually.. i like my life in London.
Yes, I see photos of New Zealand- the Mountains of Queenstown, the incredible lakes, the beautiful view over Auckland city and I want to go there! But I also see photos of the cute streets of London, the coastline of Southern England and of the cities in Europe and I want to go to all of these places too and if I was in New Zealand I couldn’t take a 2 hour flight to Berlin, to Paris, to Copenhagen and the reality is, I wouldn’t be exploring the lakes and mountains of New Zealand everyday, I’d be in an office, working, trying to save money and doing little trips, just like I am in England. I also have to ask myself is it worth the risk to give up the life you like now to try and make a better one?
I think my biggest worry is becoming ordinary and having an ordinary life. For the last 6 years i’ve always had a plan, I’ve lived in Australia for 2 years, spent 9 months in total in South East Asia, 4 months in the USA, 3 months in South America and when i’ve had down time at home working its been so that i can save money to go away again. However i’m starting to realise that if i’m happy with an ‘ordinary’ life, living in one place with a 9:00-5:00 Monday to Friday job then that’s ok..
And let’s face it there’s still a lot I want to do, I want to test myself with the crazy Country that is India, do a trip through China, backpack Central America, see more of Europe, do a safari in Africa, go back to the USA, possibly move to Canada so I don’t think I really have to worry about becoming ordinary!
My mind feels calm when I think of the future, a future where I don’t have any big plans because I’m content where I am and for now, i quite like that.
**Thank you for reading my ramblings, have you had any similar thoughts or been in a similar situation??**
**NB, I may well change my mind again in a few month’s so don’t hold me to this! haha**